The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family
The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family
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Community Reviews
I probably read this too early on, but my husband and I are talking near talking about looking into adoption (ie: very early on/tentative/maybe stages) and when I asked in Litsy, a friend who adopted two kids not every bit babies said this book was everything. It's definitely not the parenting style I was raised in, and while I practice know enough to know I don't desire to enhance a kid the way I was raised, I don't necessarily know anything at all. This would be a book to revisit when dealing with behavioral issues, meltdowns, frustrations. The author uses a lot of scholarly research simply writes simply, sometimes I near felt it was too dumbed down but since she references everything I may go dorsum to the source. This is a very time-intensive, patient, full-body type of parenting, and from what I'm agreement, an important approach for children who may be coming from a trauma background. Information technology's interesting how much mindfulness is a part of this. Merely one suggested schedule has me a bit overwhelmed. I mean, how does this combine with working parents, I wonder. And do we really demand that much eye contact? What nigh if a child has been driveling, could they interpret heart contact as domineering? Phew, lots to revisit here.
This is BY FAR the most helpful book I've read on attachment, bonding and helping a traumatized child learn to experience safe and nonetheless not allow them to overly control the life of your family due to their very real struggles and problems. Written past two PhD's at Texas Christian University, they provide mutual-sense understanding of what triggers fear and other struggles in traumatized children while offer very helpful and HOPEFUL strategies for compassionate, loving, potent and effective parenting to assistance them acquire to feel secure and overcome their struggles. After reading another volume on this subject terminal week from start to finish in i late-night session that gave me very little hope, very few practical ideas and created a neat deal of anxiety and fear of the future, this book has been a slap-up comfort. I will be giving this volume as a gift to every new adoptive parent I know. Can't wait to stop it, probably this weekend. I stayed upward until 3:30am reading it last dark...
I read this book because I have an adopted daughter that I am struggling to connect with. I thought it was exceptional. There were several chapters applicative just to adopted and foster children, however the residuum of it I would recommend to whatever parent. Hither's a few of the gems I found personally beneficial: 1)A lot of my girl's behaviors that bulldoze me insane aren't her personality--it's a result of where she began and are coping/survival mechanisms. I actually was surprised at how many behaviors they listed that my daughter does, most word for discussion. Information technology makes it easier to exist compassionate (another thing they stress). 2) I actually liked Ch. five--"Teaching Life Values." Information technology was smashing considering it gave articulate, usable strategies (backed up with research)that are things I could instantly implement. 3) Ditto that with Ch. half dozen--"You lot Are the Dominate." I've already have been trying a lot of their recommended corrective approaches with my daughter. What surprised me at first, is that even though I stay calmer, she gets more mad. Especially when I make her do "re-dos." It does make sense though. Before I would only yell at her and so we'd move on, at present it's much more involved and requires her to respond to me and practice, and takes fashion more than of her fourth dimension and energy. However, I take high hopes that it will help. I know yelling won't assist a thing. 4) I read Ch. seven--"Dealing with Disobedience" out loud to my husband. Definitely things we plan on using in that location. 5)I also thought information technology was useful that they directed two chapters in particular to the parents. They gave overviews of unlike parenting styles(ie permissive, authoritative, or disciplinarian)--I'm definitely authoritarian and avoidant. Yeah, I need to work on that. It just gave perspective on how parents have issues to work on besides.
This book is pure GOLD! This volume gives real strategies and insights into how to help bring healing, attachment and growth to our kiddos. Every foster parent and adoptive parent should read this volume. It is invaluable. You don't have to be a foster or adoptive parent to read this book. If you're interested in learning more about the needs of kiddos from hard places and/or providing support for your family/friends who have adopted and how their kiddo's needs are best met and how attachment & healing are built then READ this book! :)
The framework of this volume is parenting children who come up from whatsoever kind of difficult past or transition, adoption, trauma, etc. The surprising humble,and highly emotional pie I ate while reading it was this: Dr. Purvis is kind to advise the kind of parenting information technology takes to successfully parent children from "hard places" is just that: mere kindness. The fact is, her parenting strategies would make every kid a happier, more connected, more well adjusted kid. And if every parent proficient the kind of parenting she suggests, well, the globe would be a ameliorate place. We'd all be much more effective, loving parents. I highly recommend this book for ANYONE dealing with emotions or behavior in kids that your current strategies merely aren't fixing. The all-time example of how I was challenged was her suggestion that "sometimes to be an effective parent, you have to be willing to go out that full cart of groceries." Following through works, merely whining, pleading, begging and bribing don't teach anything. Love this, and will refer to it again and again.
Should be required reading for adoptive parents. All the same, there were many things I highlighted that will aid me in being a meliorate mom to my biological children as well.
Noteworthy quotes:
1- Also often parents and experts look at behavioral disorders equally if they they existed carve up from sensory impairments, separate from attention difficulties, divide from childhood impecuniousness, neurological impairment, zipper disorders, post traumatic stress; and and so on. You should take a more than holistic approach considering we know from a wealth of scientific enquiry that a infant'south neurological, physical, behavioral, and relational skills all develop and emerge together. An infant needs more than just food and water and a roof over his or her caput to grow; he or she needs close physical man contact and social interactions to develop optimally.
2- Time-outs are a common form of subject, just this strategy backfires with a special needs child, esp. one who has been adopted or who has attachment difficulties. Isolating that child just reinforces her deeply ingrained experience that she can only rely on herself and that she is alone confronting the globe.
3- The goal is for a child to interrupt his or her own misbehavior at the signal of intention, instead of parents interrupting a misbehavior at the point of activity.
I idea most of the advice in this volume was excellent. While geared towards foster/adopted children from hard places, a bulk of the data could exist applied towards all children. Knowing the history and scientific discipline behind certain behaviors is always helpful for understanding where kids are coming from. The main issue I had with the volume is the main issue I have with a lot of the reviews of the book. Information technology's okay to non accept the whole parenting thing figured out. You shouldn't feel shame if you lot need to be reminded of some of the truths in this book or if you lot've never heard them. While, yes, some of the concepts are Parenting 101, nobody is a perfect parent and we all need to be reminded of those basics every now and then. So don't feel bad if you read a review that says they've heard all this earlier. That doesn't mean it won't be helpful to you and your family. And don't experience bad if y'all read this book and realize you struggle with a lot of the concepts. I wish the book emphasized having grace for yourself as a parent. You're not going to ever go it correct. The three steps forward and 1 step back illustration used in the volume should be practical to parents as well. Use this volume every bit a tool for some of those steps frontwards and forgive yourself (and inquire forgiveness from your children) when you take that footstep back.
I had trouble rating this book. It is certainly insightful, both for adoptive children and children with special needs, but lacks whatsoever biblical worldview (I.eastward. they comment several times how "nature" has created us certain ways). I would recommend reading this alongside books that requite insight on Christian principles in parenting. Fifty-fifty so, some of the psychological explanations and practical advice for children who have endured trauma or live with special needs was certainly eye opening and helpful.
This is a great resource book. Lots of helpful, practical ideas on how to help your adopted child in the bonding process. The only reason I didn't give it a "5" is that I had hoped (peradventure it was an unfair expectation) that she would address, in more depth, the circuitous emotions that parents also bring into the relationship (ex. grief and loss). Peradventure nosotros are odd ducks in that we take already experienced the death of a child, although there are plenty of people who too adopt later on infertility. I experience that the author does a great job of instruction the states how to help our child bond to u.s.a., but I was hoping that she would speak in more depth to how parents might run into *themselves* bonding to their child. (and how to assistance their children welcome a sister/brother into the mix too) Perhaps I'll just need to find another book to deal with all those other issues....This is still an fantabulous resources!
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Source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/776763.The_Connected_Child
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